In this day and age (this is almost a ‘back in my day’ moment but this Millennial will continue), as Kim Kardashian West famously said, ‘nobody wants to work anymore’. I think it was also, ‘get your a$$ up and work’ but I digress. Basically, when it comes to work, we want to hack it. Automate it. Efficient-it. And boy, do we come up with creative ways to do this!
Enter robots. (Jk, this is not where this post is going, although I can feel the sweaty grip of AI tightening around my neck and I DO NOT LIKE IT.)
As humans, we pride ourselves on our advancements, technological and otherwise. My brilliant husband was just telling me this morning how a lot of our creations (mainly in the tech field, but not only) are now being walked back… to the way things used to be. Touch screens in cars are being replaced with… buttons. Bluetooth headphones are going back to being… wired. And so on. It’s almost as if we got it right the first time, but then decided to FAFO, just for the fun of it.
This return to the simple way of life seems to honour more deeply our innate humanness. Yes, robots are cool (again with the robots – maybe I have been watching too much Shawna the Mom? LOVE her). The fiddly feeling you get trying to push a button, the sensory feedback this provides, as opposed to the simple ‘tap’ of a screen. As if we need more screens in our lives!
I remember back in the day (2012), I already felt this way when I started my candle business. Yes, I had a candle business for a while, where I handmade and hand-sold beautiful soy wax creations. Even at that point, I had had quite enough with my digital gig as a content writer — a sweet gig, and one I was grateful for, but also one that can make you feel like a head on a stick, and remove any sense of physicality from your being.
Instead, I’ve realised that being embodied is paramount to the human experience. We are our bodies. Even in my psychology studies, I always found it curious when the brain and the body were deemed separate entities, because… hello?! The brain is but a piece of our marvellous bodies; an important piece, yes, but clearly it would not stand on its own two legs for very long!
But it also seems to highlight our human need for control; putting infinitely complex and seemingly miraculous systems and processes into neat little boxes. When I think about this human need, I feel a little sorry for us humans! And I also think — we probably all need to stretch and get back in our bodies.
I find this no truer than in parenting little children. The flexibility on these kids would make a circus performer cry. And also, the ease with which they accept their physical nature, with zero overthinking. They live in the moment, notice the beauty in nature ad all the little things that we have to re-teach ourselves at the age of 30+ via the ‘slow movement’. Let me tell you, if you want slow movement, simply hang out with a toddler and have a destination in mind! Oh, sweet child. You’ll find that you get infinitely ‘distracted’ along the way… unless these little moments of appreciation and joy were the point all along.
This brings me to the point of today’s post: when we focus on ourselves, on our inner being, our innate physicality, and lead the way by looking after ourselves… everything else kind of falls into line — or falls away. And really, there is nothing sweeter than feeling good in your body, happy with the people you have around you, and like you are completely in charge of your destiny. Ironically, becoming embroiled in messy drama only disempowers us, and is the ultimate distraction. And if you add up enough of these, you’ll find yourself with nothing accomplished… and yet a whole lot of DMs and convos having taken place, usually in circles.
My husband also over the years has introduced me to the concept of a drama triangle, which I find endlessly fascinating. In short, it’s a social dynamic wherein each person subconsciously takes on the role of either the Victim, the Perpetrator or the Mediator. You’ll often find this in families, but not solely. Workplaces are rife with them! The sneaky thing is, often people who act the victim will become the perpetrator, and so on; the roles themselves are dynamic too. And once a drama triangle starts, there is no way to really stop it… unless you just walk away.
What this looks like is often social disconnection, and perhaps a feeling that everything is on your own shoulders. And that’s probably because it is! We are obviously social creatures, and being able to intertwine and rely on others is a beautiful things. But there also is a lot of wisdom in the saying, ‘familiarity breeds contempt’ — sometimes our biggest haters are those closest to us. They don’t want you to win!!
Instead, when you feel a drama triangle forming, and take on the responsibility of walking away, continuing on without them, even if makes life harder for you in the short run — there truly is no greater feeling of freedom. The mental load of managing other people’s emotions and boundaries (or crossing your own…) is invisible and exhausting, and sometimes it’s just nice to know where you’re not wanted. To me, clarity is kindness, and limits are love (this one is my husband’s saying, he’s good with words n’ stuff), and taking your power back is the true victory.
And so, I continue pruning and plucking, trying to take notice of how my body feels in certain situations and around certain people. As Besser van der Kolk says, the body keeps the score. (or as I like to say, ‘the nose knows’.) This does not come easily to me, but I’m working on it. Your nervous system really will give you the tea on your innermost feelings… if only we learn how to tune in.
And once you do, oh what a thing to celebrate! What a joy to be responsible for yourself, and your most loved ones, and to have full autonomy over how you choose to show up for them. To be free of the pointless, kinda boring drama that will suck you dry, if you let it (and that others seem to thrive off, just quietly). It really it is a gift, to do this meaningful work of living and loving on your own terms — and to be the one left holding the bag.
It’s all on you, baby!
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