Years ago, our friends had a running joke about my need for “me time”. Yes, I was all over it! And to this day, I do still need it. Not that I get it, but I do crave it. Since then, I’ve learnt more about myself, and understand it’s probably a symptom of C-PTSD and emotional dysregulation… oops. And especially since becoming a mum, and a full time stay at home one at that, those precious moments to savour oneself and bask in the luxury of silence and space… well, they don’t occur so much no more.
As I write this, I again have what is slowly becoming a more regular pocket of time (thanks to my wonderful husband), and figured I’d preach what I needed to hear about 20 months ago (and then again 3 years before that). Of course, this is all prefaced on having family support, and a network in place, and if you don’t have these, it is just harder full stop, and will take time to build. But it can be built.
So, where to start?
Well, firstly congratulations on even thinking of yourself! In the monsoon of motherhood, keeping an image of oneself is nigh on impossible. You become completely, beautifully, inextricably entangled in your little ones, in a way that it seems only nature must have intended. Evolution, yo! Because otherwise, the dissolution of any boundaries with your own children would border on insanity. Take it from me!
So, a good way to start is to just… ask. Of course, this needs to be trusted/family members, especially early on in your littles’ lives (including trusted staff members at daycare/kinder etc). If you’re not going the daycare route (or not yet), reach out and see where there’s room to move. Our kid’s grandparents have been invaluable in their upbringing thus far, and it seems like an equally rewarding act for the children and grandparents alike! There isn’t many things sweeter than seeing your child catching a case of the giggles just from being in their grandparents’ presence.
Once you’ve determined however much time you have sans bebe, you should probably (definitely) communicate with your partner. Again, this intense season of motherhood can cause a distance with your partner, simply because you’re both duty bound to these little squiggles that you created together. Try to remember who you guys were before (this is really hard though!). It may feel like a past life, it certainly does for me at times. Drinking coffee whilst it’s hot?! Out?! At a cafe?!?! You get the gist.
But if you can remember you’re on the same team, and try and play to each other’s strengthen, you’ll be golden. Somewhat. Some of the time!
Another thing I’ve found useful, assuming your sleep needs are mildly being met and you’re not feeling totally insane (these are no guarantee, unfortunately), is paying attention to your physical body. Sometimes when my kids are blissfully playing together, I’ll sneak in a little bit of mangled yoga, just. alittle stretch here and there, and it reminds me that I am indeed a person. What a revelation! Honestly though, becoming embodied and honouring your physical senses, no matter how little time you have, will help you regulate your nervous system and just feel like you’ve had some “me time” (even if it’s been with chaperones).
I try and stretch whenever I can, and lately make the most of my toddler’s “pram-only” nap needs by focusing on the joy of walking and taking in my surrounds. Haven’t had a haircut in months? No worries, just make an extended plait your new look! (Watch out for trimming your own bangs though… casualties in bound for sure).
What I’m trying to say is, however small your focus is on yourself… at least you’re remembering yourself. And that is a win! Plus, your children will watch you, endlessly fascinated by mum applying sunscreen or clipping her nails or doing a downward dog… and they will inevitably learn the importance and satisfaction in looking after oneself. What a gift!
Well, that’s all about all from me today — as my time with a sleeping toddler is all but up. Time to take the chicken oiut of the oven, and get back to round 2 (the afternoon shift… these are long ones lately). If you have any SAHM tips, let me know below!
Steph x